


Magnus Flashbacks

by LadyShae



Series: A Promise Kept [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShae/pseuds/LadyShae
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Original Female Character(s), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Original Female Character(s)
Series: A Promise Kept [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808923
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

“I used to wonder what my life would’ve been like if I didn’t have you.” Magnus says, stepping out into the early morning sunlight flooding the terrace. “I don’t think I would’ve survived.”

Meena doesn’t turn to look at him and Magnus feels tears building in his eyes.

Her posture is stiff and wary, like she’s expecting him to attack her and throw her off the roof. It hurts to see how much damage he’s done to her trust in him over the years. He wonders which of his recent acts of treachery was finally enough to push her over the edge completely.

“You’ve been fine the for last century.” Meena finally replies, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sure you would’ve been the same in the ones before that. Just as you were before you took me in.”

Her words are a lie and they both know it. He hasn’t been fine without her. The current wreckage of his life attests to that more than his protests ever could, so he chooses to stay silent. He knows she has more to say.

“I stand with the Institute, Magnus. With Alec.”

“You love him, sayang. Of course I understand.”

She doesn’t say anything else for long minutes, letting the truth of Magnus’s words fall between them without bothering to deny it. Magnus only wishes they remembered how to love each other as much as they love Alec.

He wonders if she feels shame for giving herself to Alec in a time of such pain and desperation. For bowing under the weight of the tears Magnus knows Alec tried to hold back when the tidal wave finally crashed down on them. If she feels broken for consummating their love when neither of their hearts were ready for it.

He’s thankful he wasn’t there to see it. He knows without a doubt how beautifully heartbreaking it was because he knows them, these tender and broken Angels of his. He knows the guilt that consumed them when it was over. He wonders if she held Alec while he cried or if Alec had been the one to comfort her.

He thinks it’s more likely that they mourned together, neither trying to offer the other anything beyond a grounding presence against the swells of grief.

They are too much alike in their selflessness. Too similar in the consuming way they love.

He wonders if Alec truly understands the gift he’s been given. If he can feel the weight of finally having Magnus’s entire broken heart in his calloused hands.

Meena continues to stare down at her dangling feet with an intensity that bothers Magnus. He’s desperate for her to turn to him. To see those demonic golden eyes, or even the shining hazel of her Angel self, look at him with the kindness and love that haunts his dreams.

He doesn’t blame her, no matter what she feels. He’s just ripped open and raw in ways that he doesn’t know how to handle and, if anything, he’s jealous that they have each other to turn to when he’s made himself so terribly alone.

The agony rune already had all his walls broken down and walking away from Alexander is the hardest thing he’s ever done. He has no defenses left and he wants to throw himself into Meena’s arms and scream until his voice gives out, but he knows her and he knows that if he gets any closer she’ll run.

To the Hotel Dumort or the Wander Wood or Peru. Somewhere that makes her unreachable to him like she has been for so long. At least she’s here with him now, even if it’s only for honors sake.

“She’s going to turn on you.” Meena says, glancing over her shoulder at him. “She’s trying to enslave the entire Downworld.”

“I know.” Magnus sighs.

Of course he knows that bowing to the Seelie Queen is a bad move. He’s not an idiot, despite what everyone in his life currently thinks, but there’s no other choice that he can see. He has to do this to protect his people. If he keeps saying it he might start to believe it.

“And yet you betrayed him anyway.” She finally turns to face him, the too long sleeves of a familiar black jacket folded across her chest like a shield.

Magnus thinks it’s appropriate that she’s wearing Alec’s combat leather for this. 

He wonders if she stole it or if Alec gave it to her. If he’d gently pulled it around her shoulders and tugged the zipper up to her chin to protect her from the pre-dawn chill before she’d left him to prepare himself for his war summit.

The war summit where Magnus is going to have to face the man he loves more than anything and ruin him. He hates himself so much it burns.

“He betrayed us first.” Magnus stubbornly points out, ignoring the sick twisting in his guts at the lie. 

Her face twists with rage and the tile of the roof under her feet begins to bubble and melt.

“You’re un-fucking-believable.” She spits, stalking across the roof to stab a small finger into his chest. “So blindly selfish. And you wonder how Camille managed to make such a fool of you.”

Magnus stumbles back but she isn’t finished. 

“He didn’t immediately run to you to tell you about the Sword. So fucking what? He wanted to enjoy a simple meal with the man he loves, after a long day, week, MONTH, before he had to uproot the ONE ridiculously fragile piece of stability in his world. And you spat in his face. Like you haven’t been lying to him since the moment you first saw him. Like you haven’t made a liar out of me too!”

Her voice is practically a roar and her words are sharp and aiming to cut him open. With Alec’s heart to protect from the torture Magnus has inflicted on her Meena is a finally able to voice her wrath. There’s nothing Magnus can do to stop her as she tears him apart with all the rage she’s been holding in for so long.

“It never even occurred to you that he was just waiting until he got HOME. So he could talk to you, calmly and rationally, in a place where he feels SAFE. So you could come up with a solution TOGETHER. You just assumed that him wanting time to think meant that he was never planning to tell you. And when he begged you to let him explain you didn’t even bother to listen. You just swanned off like the heartless bitch you are instead of acting like an actual adult and TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER.”

She runs out of steam then, just as Magnus reaches the top step of the fire escape, and her shoulders slump. She looks like a lost child with her haunted eyes and her too big jacket and Magnus’s heart is in so many pieces that he feels like he’s bleeding to death.

“But then,” her voice is so soft he can barely hear her. “You never bothered to talk to me, either.”

Her last barb hits home and Magnus sinks to his knees, tears streaming down his face. When he pulls himself together enough to look for her again, she’s already gone.  


He doesn’t blame her for any of this. 

Alec is too much like the sun and they are both just different versions of poor Icarus, destined to fall in love with his indescribable beauty and be destroyed by it. He’d hoped that loving Alec could be a new beginning for them. Now it seems like Magus has ruined that too.


	2. Flashback Two

Alec’s eyes burn into Magnus when he takes his place beside the Seelie Queen but Magnus is too much of a coward to meet his stare for long. His love looks like every shattered dream Magnus has ever had, young and alone and broken into jagged pieces Magnus isn’t sure will ever completely heal.

He makes no move to start the meeting and Magnus raises an eyebrow, silently asking what the Shadowhunter is waiting for. Alec’s chin tilts almost unnoticeably towards the heavy wooden doors to the meeting room and the faint spark still left in his hazel eyes glitters dangerously.

As if on cue, the doors slam open with a crackle of magic and Magnus turns his head to see Meena standing in the entryway. Her eyes are blazing gold and her runes are black as pitch against her pale skin as she stalks across the room, her entire focus on Magnus. 

She stops just behind Alec, a single step beyond his left shoulder and Magnus feels his heart stop with her. 

She falls into the relaxed parade rest that all Shadowhunters favor, perfectly mirroring the hundreds of Nephilim Magnus has known in his life. She would be indistinguishable amongst the rest of Alec’s Angel-kin if it wasn’t for the slit-pupiled eyes still boring into Magnus.

“This is unexpected.” The Seelie Queen simpers, focusing her gaze on Alec with a frown. “I was told this meeting was for leaders only.”

“The Consort is the High Warlock’s emissary to both the Seelie Court and the Tri-State vampire clans, as well as being a trusted ally to the local werewolf pack. She is an important figure in the Downworld and has been instrumental in keeping the peace between your various factions many times in the past. It would be foolish to not include her since a large portion of the Downworld would show more loyalty to her than they would to anyone else on this Counsel.”

Alec’s harsh accent snaps his words out with authority even as he pulls the remaining chair out for Meena and gently guides her to sit. She shares an adoring look with him before turning to face the Queen and her lips twist into something much more feral.

“I’ve offered my full services to the Head of the New York Institute in light of recent…events.” She purrs, bringing her hands up to rest on the table.

She’s spinning a stele between her fingers and Magnus notices Alec subtly check his pockets. He has to bite his cheek to stop a smile when Alec’s search comes up empty and he glares down at Meena’s dark hair. Despite the circumstances he can’t help but find their antics endlessly endearing. 

Meena idly draws the Heat rune on the tabletop and smirks through the smoke at Magnus when the varnished wood catches fire. She uses her magic to douse the flames and repair the damage without breaking their eye contact. It’s a childish little trick that Magnus despises, one she’s been using just to annoy him for centuries, but he can admit it reinforces the threat of her presence rather beautifully.

Magnus can tell from the way the Queen straightens in her chair that she gets the message. This meeting isn’t going to go how she’d planned and there’s nothing she can do about it. 

Meena is the most dangerous ace anyone could possibly have up their sleeve and her completely unglamoured appearance proves how committed she is to her role here. She’s put everything that she is into Alec’s hands and she will serve him as he sees fit, follow any order he gives. At a word from Alexander Lightwood the world will burn in Hellfire or be delivered to the gates of Heaven. 

Valentine is no longer the biggest threat in the Shadow World. The New York Institute is.

Luke looks ridiculously pleased for a man that has just been reminded that he and his pack are little more than ants compared to the power Alec now commands. The grin on his face is the same proud, fatherly smile that the older man often bestows on Clary and Alec visibly relaxes just a little when he sees the obvious approval in the Werewolf’s eyes. 

Raphael’s loyalty has never been a question for Magnus and he doubts Alec has even bothered to think about it as something he needs to fight for. Isabelle and Simon are lurking just beyond the doors to the meeting room and there is almost nothing Raphael won’t sacrifice for them. He won’t go where they can’t follow so Raphael will lead his clan into battle by Alec’s side.

Magnus meets Alec’s eyes briefly and tries to convey how proud he is of how Alec handled this mess, but Alec’s face remains expressionless as he argues with the Queen. 

She ends the meeting abruptly, not liking her suddenly weakened position at the table, and Magnus follows her out. His pride won’t let him admit his mistakes and he knows he can’t stay unless he does. Meena stands next to Alec to watch him go.

He stops at the door to glance back at what he’s leaving behind just in time to see Meena press her hand to her eyes and Alec’s self-assured posture slump into one of absolute defeat. Then Alec doubles over, having obvious trouble breathing, and Meena lets out a keening wail before her knees give out.

It hurts more than Magnus thought anything could ever hurt when Luke rests a gentle hand on Alec’s back, rubbing in slow circles until the panic attack begins to subside.

Raphael is there with supportive arms to hold Meena up as she cries, unable to comfort Alec while she is falling apart beside him. 

Their united stand against Magnus is crushing them as much as it’s killing him.

With people he trusts around him Alec slowly regains control over himself and straightens, turning away from the helpful hands still petting him to pull Meena away from Raphael and into his own chest. The vampire reluctantly lets her go and steps away just in time to avoid the shimmering bubble Meena encases herself and Alec in.

The shield is completely useless against the onslaught of their pain but Meena’s need to protect Alec from every possible hurt is instinctive, so ingrained in her very soul that her magic reacts unconsciously. Magnus tries to take comfort in knowing that they will always love and protect each other in all the ways he has failed to do.

Two sets of perfectly beautiful eyes find Magnus lingering in the doorway and the wave of devastation he feels almost brings him to his knees.

Magus spins on his heel and rushes to into a deserted hallway before opening a portal for himself. His heart is left behind, shattered and bleeding on the marble floor of the New York Institute.


	3. Flashbacks Three

Magnus watches Meena sway in the middle of the living room, moving to some song that plays only in her head, and something clicks into place in his soul. Something that has been awkward and ill-fitting for so long that Magnus had forgotten what it feels like to be…whole.

He’s moving before his brain even gives the order, reaching out to grab her hands and spin her into his chest with all the forgotten confidence of long-time lovers. His heart stutters when she laughs, never missing a beat as she follows him into a more formal waltz around the living room. 

Her black hair is a mess and she’s wearing faded leggings and a shirt he’s sure is Raphael’s instead of a gown, Magnus himself is bare-faced and in soft lounge pants and a robe instead of a waistcoat and tails, but this is a dance they’ve danced many times in their years and even without the usual props they keep perfect time.

She smiles up at him when he guides her away, spinning her under his arm and quickening his own steps to catch her before she can get too far from him. Their steps fall effortlessly back together, bodies just a little too close to be polite, and the knot Magnus has had in his chest for so long loosens just a little.

“You’re so beautiful.” She says, her expression slightly awed at whatever she sees in his eyes. “The most beautiful man I’ve ever known.”

Magnus hears a soft sigh that doesn’t come from himself and he looks up to find Alec leaning against the archway that separates the main room from the kitchen. 

He has a cup of coffee in his hands and adorable bedhead and he’s smiling his blinding smile at Magnus. He looks happy in a way that Magnus rarely sees, shoulders straight but loose and crinkles at the corners of his eyes that come from joy instead of stress.

It’s the look that guides Magnus in his darkest moments and keeps him fighting when all hope seems lost. He’s helpless against the smile he can feel pulling at his lips when Alec raises his mug in a gesture that seems to encompass everything about this little bubble they’ve managed to create in the early morning calm.

Meena’s attention never wavers from their dance. She knows Alec is there but right now, just for this small moment in time, she only has eyes for Magnus.

He pulls her against his chest, slowing their steps until they’re just barely moving, swaying in a slow circle with their entwined hands held against Magnus’s heart. She presses her forehead to his sternum and shifts closer until there is no space left between them. It’s perfect in all the ways Magnus has spent a hundred years telling himself he doesn’t miss.

When she looks back up at him her eyes are glittering in the still-golden dawn and Magnus leans down to press his lips to hers for the first time in over a century.

In the chaos of their lives this is one rare, perfect moment and Magnus only realizes he’s crying when he tastes salt on his lips and Meena’s hands tighten on him to help keep him grounded.

“I love you.” He whispers, brushing his lips over her messy hair. “I swear I never stopped loving you.” 

He can tell she doesn’t quite believe him, but that’s alright. He has all the time in the world to rebuild the trust between them. He leans down to kiss her again but the moment is broken by the sharp buzz of Alec’s phone on the coffee table.

With an aggravated huff the man grabs the irritating device and he shifts into what Magnus has secretly dubbed his ‘Shadowhunter mode.’ He normally loves that authoritative attitude but right now it causes him to deflate just a little.

“I have to go.” Alec says, his voice heavy with regret. “The Inquisitor wants to speak with me. I’m trying to convince the Clave to let Downworlders into Alicante just for one day. Clary deserves to have her whole family there for her rune ceremony.” His hand twirls in a gesture that Magnus assumes is meant to indicate more than just Luke and Simon.

“Vampires and Werewolves and Warlocks, oh my.” Meena singsongs, drawing a deep chuckle from Magnus’s chest.

“And maybe a Seelie or two.” Alec replies, smiling brightly when Meena beams up at him.

“It’s alright, darling.” Magnus purrs, still swaying with Meena slightly. “You go be the amazing big brother we know you are. We’ll be right here when you get home.”

“Fight well, Shadowhunter.” Meena adds, burrowing herself deeper into Magnus’s arms with a murmur of contentment.

Alec’s face shifts into a soft smile as he steps up behind Meena to press his lips to Magnus’s.

It’s a feeling Magnus will never get used to, no matter how many decades he’ll have to savor it. Kissing Alec feels like lightening and home and Magnus feels alive when Alec’s tongue sneaks past his lips just for a second. He pulls away too soon but Magnus lets him go, his heart swelling so much it hurts when Alec scrunches himself comically low to press a quick kiss to Meena’s lips and a lingering one to her temple before he puts his mug down on a side table and disappears into the portal Meena opens with a flick of her delicate wrist.

He knows Meena sent Alec to his own room, most likely directly into his shower as that has been Alec’s preference since he learned that wards and protection spells mean nothing to Meena, but the mental image of Alec strutting proudly through the front doors of the Institute and across the glowing floor of the Ops Center in his silk jammies and bare feet is enough to make Magnus giggle.

He looks down at Meena and when their eyes meet they both completely fall to pieces, laughing until there are tears on their cheeks and they have to collapse onto the couch to avoid a likely painful crash to the floor.

They lay there for hours, shifting between making love and simply existing together, letting the strong pulse of shared magic flow through and around them, stitching their frayed edges back together in both familiar and new ways.

The day gets away from them completely but Magnus has never felt more accomplished then he does when he feels the buzz of Meena’s magic lingering at the edges of his awareness, weaving perfectly with Alec’s raw Angelic power that wraps tightly through Magnus’ soul. 

Faint tendrils of his own magic have embedded themselves deeply into Meena, anchoring him around the bits of Alec that coil through the very core of her and hold her demon at bay.

Magnus is dozing with Meena asleep on his chest by the time Alec finally gets home. He briefly fights against handing her over when Alec slides his hands between them to scoop her up, but Alec shushes him with a kiss and softly whispered endearments.

Meena stirs when Alec lifts her into his arms and carefully drops himself onto the couch but he murmurs something Magnus can’t quite hear and she calms, snapping her fingers sharply before burrowing herself into Alec’s suddenly bare chest with a soft sigh.

Magnus watches them until their breaths even out and Alec starts letting out the tiniest snuffles and then he silently makes his way to the kitchen to start cooking them some dinner.

He and Meena are a little less broken then they were yesterday and for the first time in more years than he can remember Magnus feels hope for their future. He marvels at how the cracks between them have always unknowingly been exact size and shape of Alec’s rune covered body and bow-calloused hands.


End file.
